Finding out you’re pregnant when you don’t want to have a child with the father can feel overwhelming or isolating. But you are not alone. Let’s take a walk through reasons why you may not want a child with a certain man and steps you can take to resolve this situation.
Reasons women don’t want a child with him
Studies have shown women have given several reasons for not wanting to have a child with a particular man, including:
- Relationship instability: You’re pregnant but your relationship with the man is not “good.” Or, you may consider the man unfit for fatherhood.
- Lack of support: The father does not support your pregnancy or you in general. This may also include his inability to provide financial support for a child.
- Abuse: Abuse from a partner can come in various forms, including verbal, emotional, coercive, or physical.
You may have these same concerns, and the stress of an unplanned pregnancy can intensify your concerns.
Steps to address not wanting a child with him
Depending on your specific situation – whether relationship instability, financial issues, or even whether you are married or pregnant with a partner – there are several things to consider.
First Step: Your first step for any pregnancy is to confirm your pregnancy with a pregnancy test and obtain an ultrasound. Pregnancy resource centers like Waterleaf Women’s Center can provide you with a medical-grade pregnancy test and an ultrasound for free and no insurance is required. Even if you are considering abortion, the ultrasound is a critical step to determine gestational age, location, and viability – all of which can impact your health and decision.
Make sure to take time to decide: When you are experiencing a pregnancy with a partner you don’t want to have a child with, sometimes it can help to speak to someone professional. Identify what is the root cause of your concern about having a child with a particular man. Making an informed decision can give you peace of mind.
Stress can be alleviated when you find support and resources. For example, a parenting class could help you realize you are capable and more ready than you think. Various financial or housing resources could remove other burdens from your mind.
Talk to a professional about what options are available. At Waterleaf, we can help you organize your thoughts and refer you to resources which might be exactly what you need.
Co-Parenting with Boundaries: Many women who have partner concerns have provided for a child with various levels of involvement from their partner. If your partner is cooperative and you are agreeable, you may work something out with him.
In more difficult situations, counseling or legal aid for custody rights is available.
If you are concerned about an abusive relationship, you can contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline by calling 1-800-799-SAFE for help.
Co-Parenting: So far, you’ve considered what resources could benefit you in the situation where you have reservations about having a child with the father. Perhaps consider whether he might benefit from resources. Is there some type of help or a skill that he could acquire that would change your mind about raising a child with him?
For example, would he stand to benefit from financial counseling? Parenting classes? Mental health support? Family support? It’s important to identify the root of your concerns and to look for a solution.
Contact Waterleaf for information about what resources are available for men.
Single Parenting: If you are single, there are multiple resources available to single mothers. One might be your family and friends who are willing to help. Extended family or friends may also be happy to help. If you can find trusted family or friends to help you provide for your child, this can significantly ease your situation.
There is also public or non-profit assistance for single mothers, including housing assistance, childcare funds, support groups and more. If you need help connecting with the right resource for you, contact a local advisor like a pregnancy resource center. Waterleaf can provide referrals and guidance for free.
Adoption: Many women have determined that they cannot parent with their partner and do not have the means to raise a child. Sometimes, women in this situation choose adoption to place their child into a loving family. Waterleaf can help you learn about adoption options and connect with adoption resources.
Next steps
These considerations can help you take a step back, slow down, and determine what is best for you and your child. Please remember, you never have to feel like you are alone.
If you’re experiencing an unplanned pregnancy and have concerns about raising a child with the father, contact the professionals at Waterleaf Women’s Center for a free appointment. No insurance is required. Our staff can provide you with a medical consultation, answer your questions, and provide you with referrals and information about resources available to you. Call or text confidentially at 630-360-2256 (CALM).